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23rd February 2007

7:34pm: [WTS] Epic Lewt
Add the request of people asking about the much gear I got today, I have arranged and logged the garb I got from todays O-Day
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In the first picture we see from the top, left, going down: * "Drink and Drown" beachball * Malibu bucket hat * ANZ, Telstra, Earth Carers (wtf?), Alcohol.gov.au and Co-Op Bags * 5 pens, 2 highlights (one is in the end of a pen), a pencil and eraser * 2 hacky-sacks (ANZ & "Drink and Drown") and Waterwise and Telstra squeesies * A few lollies * "Drink & Drown" and "Rocky Balboa" stubbie holders * A Banana flavoured condom * Nandos voucher and a Wageline magnet

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In the second picture, again top, left going down: * One of 2 Commonwealth T-shirts, I'm wearing the other right now :) * 2 Co-Op A4 notebooks and 2 A5 Commonweath notepads * 2 Tomato sauce sachets * A single wax strip * 5 "Jack Chick Tracts" to see why they are so awesome go to www.chick.com * A "Students Flights" and "Wageline" lanyards * Inbetween the above is my O-Day VIP Lanyard :)

Whats not shown: * All the consumables from the day: - 2 powerades and 3 cans of drink from the Prespetarians - A roll of some sort for the bhuddists, I think - 2 bags of chips from the Quinns Rocks Catholics - 11, yes eleven, cans of "Mother" that were trade for various garb shown - 2 cans of Jim Beam and Cola from the VIP section - Assorted drinks from UCC, and the icypole from UniSFA * Gifts for others: - 3 complete Co-Op packs - An O-Day poster signed by all the bands who played today (Yeah baby) * Things I lost: - A Jim Beam Hat and a Jim Beam towel, both gotten with each can of Beam I procured with the instruction to the promo girls, "I bought this, may I have garb?"

Lastly things I paid for: * 2 Sausage rolls @ $1.50 each

Thus, my total outlay for the entire day $3.00. Not a bad day.

18th April 2006

1:40am: Megaupdate 1 of 2: Reality TV Sucks
So its been ages since I did an update. In the space of a week I had a bunch of assignments a test and got jewed out of being both the editor of the Guilder and the UWA Goole Pizza Rep. But I have a super update, the last Serious Sam up first, then if you scroll down a little further you'll see the unpublished, craptacular orignial email that got me a recurring position in the Guilder. Also stay turned for the next Guilder, where we officially launch the Office of Homeroom Security.


Reality TV Sucks

Well, Idol is back again and with it comes a flood of wannabe singers whoring themselves
out to the nations young for that chance of getting 1% of record sales and 15 minutes of
fame. Now don't get me wrong, I love seeing these train wrecks, come on with serious
delusions thinking they can sing, watching as their dreams are crushed, crushed like a
thousand unsold Casey Donovan CD's.

Now I know what you're thinkin: “Why should I care?” Well TV is starting to suck, I mean
really suck. Now days there are two shows on TV: The show turning regular citizens from
unknown schlubs to national icons to coked-out attention whore faster than you can say
Dancing with the stars. And then there is the “Celebrity Reality TV” which pits coked-out
attention whores against each other for another glimmering moment in the nations gaze.

Well now I have the solution: UWA Idol. Now there have got to be plenty of students out
there, fully aware that their chosen degree won't pay off that mountainous HECS debt
(*cough* philosophy major *cough*) and the guild is always looking for new funds. Its a
match made in heaven: we lock 10 students in a lecture theatre and the last one voted out
gets their choice of Arts degree. We have marketing students, electrical engineers,
advertising majors and a whole mess of lawyers, we could make it happen. The marketing
rights alone would be keep the tav's prices low well into the next decade, and we'd have
one lucky student who's face we could pimp out to attract the next UWA Idol.
1:29am: MegaUpdate 2 of 2: The Silver Guilder Sucks
Dear SG Editor,

You suck.

In years gone by the Silver Guilder was a source of non-sequiter pirate ninja humour,
completely devoid of in depth political commentary. It successfully provided a bastion of
sanity for students wishing, yearning for a student run publication free from political
leanings, either left, right or middle.

Purely fun and advertising for student events, it has now become an unfunny, unread
product, bypassed by many, and seen as a shadow of its former days.

If possible I would be more than happy to take the reigns and lead the Guilder towards
its glory days as a distasteful, highly unprofessional tabloid used only to serve the
highest bidder for its ad space.

Serious Sam.

7th April 2006

7:15pm: And the coup begins...
You said you wanted to take over the SG in a coup... Well here is your chance for a coup - even if it may be bloodless.

My brief flirtation with university publications may be ending soon.

Are you still interested in editing the SG?


So guilder fans, it looks like I may be taking complete control of The Silver Guilder.
Here hopes the guild president comes back with a positive messages and my spelling and punctuation improve now that I'm in control. Mwah ha haha!!

4th April 2006

3:47pm: Gun Control Sucks
Try as they might, but no government has solved the problem of unemployment, spending is down and health care costs have always been a strain on the budget. Now I have the solution. Economies the world over have been fueled by vices. Australia economy grew from slavery, through convict labour, following the well trodden footsteps of both the Roman Empire and the USA, also fueled prior to independence by tobacco. Even today Columbia's economy is held up by cocaine. Well, now its time for us to profit of the greatest vice of all, guns. We need more guns, everywhere, for everyone.

Firstly, to produce the over 2 million guns needed to arm every man, woman and child, we'd need a massive influx of factory workers to keep weapon, and ammunition supplies up. After a few months of production and armament, the nations death rate would rise, not only providing many undertaker and mortician vacancies.

Along side the decrease in unemployment, an increase in the mining and import sectors would boost our economies overnight as materials to meet production are required, as well as increased usage of associated secondary industries and infrastructure, such as transport and metals refinery. Within a few months of the introduction of these weapons consumer spending would fly through the roof. Munitions, weapon accessories, cleaners, Kevlar vests; the list could go on and as our consumer spending goes up, the strength of our dollar would increase.

Furthermore, guns would have serious positive social consequences. Health care would increase, as waiting lists dropped due to more illnesses would be firearm related, more often resulting in sudden death. Guns would also help clear our judicial backlogs with civil disputes and torts increasingly settled by duels at high noon, rather than lengthy court trials. You'll all agree a bullet and a lawyer can both end a mans life, one just ends it slower and messier, and the other is a lead projectile.

I feel that implementing the “Serious Sam Gun Initiative” would help push Australia into super power status, and when (not if) the Zombie Apocalypse comes those filthy deadites wouldn't stand the sheer force of .50 caliber of Australian pride.

31st March 2006

11:18am: Serious Sam: 1, The Guild: 0
I finally picked up a copy of The Guilder today, and in the ongoing battle of serious journalism vs. totalitarianistic governments, I won. So expect even more seriousness from the Guilder in the weeks/months/years to come.

Also, in futher news, I am anouncing Zanchey president of the "These Things That Suck" Fanclub.
So sports fans, keep your eys on this page next Tuesday for the next update.

Later, S.
Current Mood: Absolutely Stoked

28th March 2006

9:34pm: The Ref Sucks
I like the new look of the Ref, the orange scheme threw me back at first after some break. But like you get used to. The food is still good, and the ratio of price to portion size, while smaller than last year, is still fair. But there is on thing that sets me off and its the staff, and more specifically, the hats they wear.

Waiting in line to pay today some short, cook looking guy comes out with more food. Looking resplendant in his gleaming white coat and checkered pants, a topped by a gloriously tall hat that looks as though plucked from the top of an angel. Then he bends over to serve the food out, and I noticed something tremendoulsly wrong, his hat has no top.

I've been around this university for a while now and I've seen guild penny pinching at its worst. I lived through the most infamous; replacing the self-serve bean shoots with offcuts from the Oak lawn, replacing the kebab meat with arts students (no-one would have known if the they hadn't realized the proportion of employed students went up) even the mysterious illness from bad meat pies known only as “Dave's Syndrome” when they were over heated to 88°C.

But this new low, giving our chef's hats, that lack tops, made of stapled cardboard no less, no matter how tall they may be is just wrong. Its a slippery slope Guilder fans, a slippery slope. What of our freedoms are next to go under this offresive regime? No representation for students who sleep through lectures? Later opening in the Tav to deny our right of A.M. Inhebriation? If we aren't free to express ourselfs through our alcohol, our laziness and, most importantly, our hats, what do we have?

Thats why I suggest everyone hell-bent on students rights, and rights everywhere, should don the chefs hat of freedom, take up the cleaver tolerance of and finely dice these injustices where they stand, that they may be fried in, um..., oil or something I suppose. The point is however chefs don't wear cardboard hats unless they work at McDonalds.

27th March 2006

10:10pm: Censorship Blows
Well over the weekend, I've been talking to the editor and they may have a problem with my latest article. Apparently bad mouthing the guild isn't aloud in a guild newspaper. Thank god its a satirical, lest I have an actual complaint and have no forum to air it. However, no correspondence back thus far, so it should be up tommorow. Either way expect an update tomorrow with the article.

21st March 2006

7:12pm: Ok y'all good news,
I got a e-mail last night, from the Guilder editor.

The article is gold!

I've already glued all the Guilder ads on today and it was going to be printed this arvo except Chuk is sick and didn't email his report to me until after UniPrint was shut.

What this means is that Guilder will have to be rejigged. The Guilder will probably not be out until late tomorrow or early Wednesday. This week's Guilder had info about things tomorrow and considering that it won't be out for tomorrow, this means I'll have to take all those notices off.

So in a nutshell, your stuff will be in there. I like it.

The paper was printed today. So I'm officially a writer now. Unfortunately I forgot to attach the unneccessary graph of the week, so I'll save that for next week.

Serious Sam.

20th March 2006

10:34pm: The Commonwealth Games Sucks
I get the Olympics, its a non-violent way for nations to exercise dominance over each other. The pride generated by China when they play ping-pong, the USA during the basketball or Australia watching Stephan Bradbury fall down. The Commonwealth Games on the other hand is circle-jerk of select group of countries nancying around trying to keep up with Australia.

After 34 years of being kicked around at the Olympics the British Empire decided to hold a games ceremony to boost the self-esteem of their lowly King. The shame was they forgot to invite the good nations or include any of the good sports. So now here we sit watching Australia slaughter the Commonwealth like a lone piranha in a bowl full of goldfish. The sad part of the analogy is that the rest of the world is the cat watching the piranhaa waiting for dinner. Did I mention that the cat also has a gun, that shoots explosives, because thats how much better the world is at sports.

Now, I love watching cricket. I love seeing Australia thrash the absolute crap out of everyone else in the world. Australia vs. England, hell yeah. Versus New Zealand, bring it on. Versus some obscure nation that just learned to make fire, you better believe it, baby. However, cricket is the only game like it, but with the Commonwealth Games, saying you're the best at it is like me saying that I just beat my 5 year old nephew at basketball, sure it feels good to put that little snot in his place, but it doesn't mean I'm good enough for the Wildcats.

It also doesn't help when the entire program is stacked in Australia's favour. Up until a while ago there was cricket, however netball, rugby, hockey and swimming still remain. They might as well include beer drinking and pie eating as well just to push things along. And on a final note lawn bowls, irregardless of what Mick Malloy says, will never ever be as cool as curling.
10:08pm: First Post Snyper
Howdy y'all,

As suggested I took my quest to rule the Silver Guilder to this here new-fangled interweb.
So here it is The Things That Suck - Online Edition. If all goes to plan I should have a major update every Wednesday from now on in with that weeks "Things That Suck" from the Guilder, but this week it'll be put it up earlier to drum up support, with next weeks update being what was left on the drawing board, but should have been shot, burned and buried at sea due to its low content, low-brow, highly offensive nature.

Serious Sam.
Current Mood: Writing?
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